How I lost my virginity in Keller's Westhofen Abtserde

Admittedly it's difficult for me to write about the Abtserde since I have this special relation with this magical vineyard. It's the place where I lost my virginity... No kidding!

This is a tale not much different to the Seinfeld episode "Rochelle-Rochelle, a young girl's strange, erotic journey from Milan to Minsk". But in a different setting. Ok, so I was a virgin. Yes, until very recently. I admit it. There's no excuse. I simply hadn't tried the awesome pleasure before, of what was my first step into the adult world of that "stuff" going on in the vineyards...

To begin this tale I need to introduce the key player in my experience. Julia.

I like her.

Not only is she very good-looking but also very kind and generous as a person. And above all, she makes a killer osso buco, not to mention her famous and utterly delishious potato soup.  She is also the wife of Klaus-Peter Keller, the person I consider to be the best winemaker for dry Riesling on Planet Earth.

Julia with her world-famous and utterly delicious potato soup.

Klaus-Peter and Julia Keller in the vineyard Niersteiner Hipping.

But please, let me get back to Julia. She plays the leading character in the tale of how I lost my virginity. However, she won't enter the story until later.

I took a little trip to Germany two years ago. It was late autumn. Well, I took several trips there when I think about it but this account originates from a very specific tour at the end of October and hence right there smack in the middle of...harvest. Although I have been visiting the German wine regions on more occasions than I can possibly remember and although I have been there at the start of harvest many times, this was the first visit which coincided right there in the middle or rather even towards the end of harvest. My trip had so far been as awesome as ever, with hours and hours of tasting with my favourite winemakers and Keller was my last stop of the tour. The next day I was preparing to make it to the airport for a flight later that night but having noting much to do I asked the Kellers what they would be doing that same day, hoping to maybe join them to shoot some photos.

- Oh, we're harvesting the Abtserde, Julia replied.

- Do you wish to join and give us a helping hand?

Wow... That was a first! An opportunity to actually participate in a harvest for the very first time in my life and not just any kind of wine but harvesting the grapes from one of my absolute favourite vineyards in the world, the magical Abtserde! There was no hesitation before I quickly shouted a happy YES and joined the picking crew out to the vineyard, eager to get a taste of how it really feels to be harvesting the combined efforts of one year's meticulous work and care of the precious vines. It was a lovely autumn's day with some mist in the morning and a rising sun that would soon caress the lovely vines with golden sunshine and make the landscape picture perfect and oh so beautiful both for shooting some photos as well as picking grapes. After taking some pictures early in the morning I was given the standard tools for harvesting. A bucket and pliers to cut the bunches of grapes.

Ahhh, it was such a lovely day, I thought. The smell of autumn, to the sound of birds and the beautiful rays of sun caressing the yellow-green canopy and the inviting bunches of mature golden-yellow grapes. It took some moments of inner contemplation before I even kneeled down and grabbed a bunch in my hand to study it. How beautiful the grapes looked. Truly the harvest of nature's treasure. At first I couldn't bare myself to cut off the bunch from the vine but was stuck in a moment of awe as I studied and admired the beautiful grapes packed with sweet, luscious juice. I mean, just look at them. How juicy they are! Bursting with accumulated flavours from the sunshine, the earth, the rain...from Mother Earth. How easy to become philosophical and ponder on the great miracle of birth and growth. It reminds me of an old poem by... Oooops! Sorry. I finally snapped out of my philosophical contemplation, grabbed a bunch and started thinking of how and where I should cut it. Hmm, maybe at the top, thus taking the whole cluster in one action. Or should I rather cut only one part of the bunch and carefully remove the rest in a second cut? Or maybe, wait, maybe I'll cut off some grapes on the lower side and then continue with the rest? So many questions but how soothing to just enjoy the silence of people working and minding their own business as they were harvesting along the rows of magical Abtserde. Okay, so I finally decided to cut just one part of the bunch. The left one. Cut. And the grapes fell into the empty bucket. Ahh, such a delight. So THIS was harvesting? This tranquil, contemplative Zen moment of silence was synonymous to harvesting? Wow, then no wonder that winemakers really enjoy their work. This is so relaxing. So soothing. So...

I was completely immersed in my own thoughts and totally unprepared for the vocal eruption that hit my ears like a roaring tsunami and almost threw me onto the ground. It came suddenly. It came fast. And it came from nowhere, totally unexpected.

- M i i i i i i i i i r a a a a n ! ! !

It was Julia...

Her voice no longer soft and feminine as silk. This was a deep, firm SHOUT that exploded in the air and ripped the silence apart, leaving me completely disorientated by the sheer force in her voice as she shouted with a highg-pitched determination loud enough to move a mountain. Was this really the same sweet, soft Julia Keller? What on earth was all this racket about and why was she shouting?, I wondered.

- What is it?, I replied almost whispering.

- BUUUUUUUUUCKET!!!

Bucket? What bucket??, I wondered as I looked down the bottom of mine, where twelve grapes were now lying after my first cut of part of a grape bunch. Why would she need my bucket?

- Empty it NOOOOOOOW!

...she shouted with a voice that must have left the poor birds in the vineyard absolutely paralysed with sheer Angst.

Astonished, I came to grips and walked towards her with my empty bucket just to see what the chaos was all about, I noticed that going towards her were also the pickers who came out to the vineyard together with me that same morning. And their buckets were full of grapes to the rim! With firm hands they all emptied their buckets and quickly returned to the position where they left, to continue the picking. And only now, for the first time, I saw how they were actually working. Cut-cut-cut...boom-bang-boom! The bunches of grapes were falling into the buckets at industrial pace and the workers seemed to be doing this as if they had never done anything else in their lives. No wonder they filled their buckets so quickly! Perplexed and somewhat off balance, I returned to the row where I had started and stared at the grapes. Aha, so THIS was what harvesting was all about. Well, no worries. I could do it. After all, how hard could I be? It's not rocket science. So I kneeled down and began cutting. Cut! Cut! Cut! THAT will show them...! And would you believe it, having filled my bucket with only a little less than half, Julia's voice again erupted and broke the peaceful silence.

- BUUUUUUUUUCKET!!!

I watched as the pickers rushed to empty their full buckets and returned to their stations in less time it took me to straighten my back from this back-breaking position and take the first few steps towards the basket where all grapes were collected. With sweat pouring down my forehead, I emptied my few grapes and limped back to my row and again kneeled down to position myself to cut the lower grape bunches. This was really hard work! My back hurt, my hands were numb, I was thirsty and I just couldn't believe that THIS was what harvesting was all about. After an hour, I was completely exhausted. As I fought the pain in my back and stumbled across the rows to empty yet another bucket, I passed Julia and asked her with a voice full of hope:

- Is it time for a break soon?

- Yes, in a few hours, she answered.

Julia harvesting in the Abtserde vineyard.

That was it! I'd had it! I gave up. No more harvesting, please! After an hour my body was surrendering and in no shape to cut even one tiny additional grape bunch. At least I've done it. I lost my virginity. I've actually harvested grapes for the first time in my life and in one of my all-time favourite vineyards. No longer a virgin, I was happy to have done it, despite the numb fingers and the pain in my back.

And Julia...well, she's still my friend, I still like her osso buco but I will never look at her with the same eyes ever again. Every time I will taste another wine from Keller, I will remember that heart-stopping...

...BUUUUCKET! NOW!

And Abtserde...well, it will taste even more special now that I have lost my virginity in this awesome vineyard...